Inside Mugu's Head

2002-12-12T17:11:00.000-05:00

BLARGH

2002-12-08T01:23:00.000-05:00

I) Essay #1
A) What does it mean to think about the world sociologically?

To think about the world sociologically one must see it in terms of a lens. If it were the lens of a psychologist it would focus in on an individual and their thoughts and feelings; whereas a sociologist’s lens would back up and look at the whole picture. Our textbook—“Understanding a Diverse Society: Sociology”, by Margaret L. Anderson and Howard F. Taylor—defines sociology as “the study of human behavior in society.” It is looking at where that behavior occurs, whether that is within a culture, institution, group, or interaction—it shapes what people think. Another way to think about the world sociologically is to think about it in the terms of a “house” and what makes this “house” work. Basically, to think sociologically is to wonder how “social forces of all kinds—including cultural, economic, and political forces—affect human behavior.”

A good example of thinking about the world sociologically is C. Wright Mills Sociological Imagination. It is essentially how the context of society shapes our lives. C. Wright Mills said there was a distinction between troubles and issues. Troubles are privately felt problems, whereas issues affect a large number of people. Troubles and issues are linked to each other in that troubles can be part of a larger context. An example of this is someone being laid off of work during a recession. The person has fears of never getting a job and sense of failure, but this is not just happening to one person; it is happening to many people who are feeling the same way.

There are four key concepts to thinking about the world sociologically. Think of them as the framework of that “house.” They are: Social structure, culture, power, and function. Social structure is things like one’s family, the economy, the government, and religion. Culture is things like one’s own language, rites and rituals. Power is, for example, when the Supreme Court stopped the vote recount in Florida. Function is, for example, family and the people’s roles in families.

2002-12-07T20:56:00.000-05:00

I have to write an essay for each of the following:

1) What does it mean to think about the world sociologically? How can we understand the influence of elements like culture and socialization on our perception of society?

2) How do power relations affect the lives of individuals?

3) What is a social institution and how does it shape our lives and relationships to people around us? What is the relationship between social institutions and inequality?

So, when I am finished with the essays, I'll post at least the first one here; maybe even all three. I have a feeling they will all suck immeasureably and I will fail sociology class. ((whines some more)). Mom says: "want some cheese with that whine?"

These essays are due December 9th, no later than 3 pm. I am panicking! All I have is part of the first one so far :

In order for someone to understand the influence of elements like culture and socialization on our perception of society they must think about the world sociologically. To think about the world sociologically one must see it in terms of a lens. If it were the lens of a psychologist it would focus in on an individual and their thoughts and feelings; whereas a sociologist’s lens would back up and look at the whole picture. This paper should explain what it is to think about the world sociologically and how to understand the influence of elements like culture and socialization on our perception of society through examples from our text “Understanding a Diverse Society: Sociology”, by Margaret L. Anderson and Howard F. Taylor; and ‘“Riding the Bull at Gilley’s”: Rapists Describe the Rewards of Rape.’

(c) 2002, Shannon M. Smith

2002-12-06T02:47:00.000-05:00

I am such a dork.

I really need to take "how to be serious in serious situations 101":

Dude: hmm I need to give you back your jersey
Dude: or whatever it is
Dude: i ma gettin too attached to it
Mugu: its okay
Mugu: hold onto it for however long you wish
Dude: umm i dont know if that is a good idea
Mugu: why's that?
Dude: i umm kinda sleep with it at night
Mugu: and that's bad, why?
Mugu: I don't mind...its not like you're dragging it through the mud and stomping on it
Dude: ehh, that dosent make you feel uncomfortable at all?
Mugu: nah
Dude: hmm
Mugu: why do you think it would?
Dude: i dont really know, i was just guessing
Mugu: okie
Dude: ehh, i just feel really safe when i have it
Mugu: really? cool
Dude: yes, well its like you
Mugu: hehe
Mugu: I'm fuzzy
Mugu: lol
Dude: ehh, not like that
Mugu: sorry, just that whole smith gene thing
Mugu: have to be an idiot for five seconds

Yeh, Mugu, you are such a dork! This guy is the sweetest thing in the whole world and you act like this?! BLARGH! Idiot, Mugu; you are pure idiot!!!

--MUGU--

2002-11-28T04:08:00.000-05:00

What
lesser-known Simpsons character are you?

Brought to you by the good folks at sacwriters.com.

2002-11-24T22:28:00.000-05:00

NIGHTMARES

I dream that I'm running and I wake up crying. I dream that I can never stop and that all is lost.

I dream that I am living in a trailer park and am the size of a whale. I am surrounded by a swarm of children and a husband sitting on the couch doing nothing. His beer gut sags and is only partially covered by a stained wife-beater tank-top. I am inarticulate, mangey, and have a face full of acne and grease. My hair is badly permed, thin, and in a mullet-like cut. I can't recognize large words or simple ones for that matter. I am like that Simpsons episode where Lisa believes she is in a process of "dumbening."

I wake up crying.

I am sitting here avoiding my paper and all studies because I cannot concentrate long enough to form a coherent sentence. My heart aches and its too cold to ignore it. I love school and I love learning, but I don't think that education is in my future. Mom and Dad have nothing to pay the bills and I honestly cannot pay for all of my college expenses. My parents are fighting upstairs right now. I can hear Mom yelling and feel the silence she gets from Dad. He never says anything back...Dad ignores everything and goes to sleep. He even ignores me.
I don't want to be here.

2002-11-23T02:35:00.000-05:00

Here's how I'm feeling about guys at school right now...well, and some guys in general: lookie at my art journal <-----CLICKIE!

Anyway, I am miserable...but you knew that already. I had a paper due, um, a few hours ago via e-mail and I'm just not done. I can't get past it at all...Its complete and utter writers block or something....WAAAAAH! Okay, enough whining. Niterz~

2002-11-20T20:03:00.000-05:00

There is comfort in melancholy when there's no need to explain. In my life so much cannot be expressed. So, I am trying to return to myself these things that I supress. My heart is lighter everytime I write something.

I know no one is going to show me anything. They all come and go I know...
I'll add more to this when I'm feeling more, um, inspired......poo...brain be mushie

2002-11-18T23:45:00.000-05:00

BLEH!

2002-11-18T23:23:00.000-05:00

Its late and AIM isn't being too friendly. So, I am thinking of a song that makes me think of an ex that I don't want to remember. I pull my knees to my chest and breathe in deep. It feels so deep and ingrained in me. I shake my head and shake away the memory like water off of my hair. The excess is gone, but that deepness still remains.
The song goes over and over in my head:

Oh I am a lonely painter
I live in a box of paints
I'm frightened by the devil
And I'm drawn to those ones that ain't afraid
I remember that time you told me, you said,
"Love is touching souls"
Surely you touched mine
'Cause part of you pours out of me
In these lines from time to time
Oh, you're in my blood like holy wine
You taste so bitter and so sweet
Oh I could drink a case of you, darling
Still, I'd be on my feet
I would still be on my feet
(Joni Mitchell, 1971).

I'm only 18...I shouldn't feel like this. I'm only 18 and I do feel like this. The song creeps back into me and peals (sp?) of laughter shiver down my spine. I miss it; the blood thudding in my head and rushing to my temple. I loved it, I loved him, and the danger of kissing and hiding. He loved to tease, he didn't love me and he broke that heart of mine.

Now, there's a feeling I can't deny me. This time he loves me, not my lips or hair. He loves me, not hips or the way I look walking down stairs. I must be kidding myself...dreaming some kind of dream. And the wax rolls down like tears and gives way to the insanity I kept hidden these many years. I can't wait to go to sleep so he can love me with that touch so gentle and sweet but that look so critical. I can't talk to him I get so weak and I start to think its just physical. The blackness, blackness dragging me down...

And I wake up and all I see are the white flags of winter chimneys waving truce against the moon. In the mirrors of a modern bank from the window of a hotel room.

When I go back to sleep nightmares follow me. There's red water in the bathroom sink, fever and the scum brown bowl. Blue steel still begging, but its indistinct. Someone's hi-fi drumming jelly-roll. Concrete concentration camp bashing veins for some kind of peace. Cold blue steel and sweet fire fall into lady release.

2002-11-15T00:14:00.000-05:00

The cat is sitting on the desk batting off paperclips and pencils. My dog is sleeping on my feet and snoring. I feel loved, lol.
So, I'm just sitting here wishing that I hadn't gotten sick in high school and that it hadn't been an unholy mess. Migraines...friends that didn't believe you were sick, messed up transcripts...tons of fun stuff like that. Hah, look at my grammar go on me; I must be tired. I can't stop thinking that I missed a whole lot not being there at the high school and that leaving early to go to MC was a big thumpin' mistake. My parents tell me to suck it up, so I do.

MC is lonely.

Almost everyone smokes at MC...I have to hold my breath to walk by a group or into a building. Luckily, most of my classes are in the Humanities and Science buildings. If I had taken art I'd be in trouble. Sometimes I wish I could rip the cigarette out of their nicotine stained fingers and shove the damned thing up their nose and say "Feel that burning feeling? Well, that's how I feel everytime you puff that shit. It gets in my lungs too you know! Go smoke in your car!"
Artists must be stressed a lot, they smoke up the corridors between the counselor's buliding and the Art center. Sometimes, the counselors are outside with them. Many of my sketches for life-drawing are of them standing outside, smoking. I should have an art show and title it "Lung Cancer." That'd be great...
I can't wait to transfer to JHU. I just hope that I get more money offers this time. Last time I applied in high school I only was offered 50% aid. This was during the time my parents had f**ked the finances to hell. I need a FULL scholarship to get in anywhere; It is hard enough paying for MC. Gosh, to be financially stable would be nice.

I'm working at Zany Briany (a toystore) and its acctually not that bad. My first real paying job, not a stinking internship. Sure, it looks great on a resume, but people, I need to pay for books and classes. Anyway, Zany Brainy is kinda cool. The only downsides are: the scary stock-room, the mean customers, and the kiddie music. The stock room is very scary! The items are piled on the shelves and no one can find anything. Sometimes, you have to climb the shelves and pray nothing falls on you. Then, there are the customers...eep! I won't go into that too much, but all I have to say is please people, if you come into Zany Brainy...DO NOT USE CHECKS! We use telechecking which is wonderful, but most people don't understand it and throw fits when they get their voided check back. Getting a voided check back is a good thing. If you don't, then the cashier is probably using it to supply their little Thomas the Tank Engine binge and you ain't getting the moolah back! This is all well and good compared to the kiddie music! Sugar beats...and Raffi...and (gulp) Alvin and The Chipmunks rip-offs singing about Hannukah and Christmas. It is NOT pretty people...damn it. It gets ugly after seven hours of the same damned CD playing all day. You'd think they'd change it for the sanity of the workers but no! They want to sell it, so they play it at nausium! Needless to say, when I get home I am twitching like a mad-woman. If you even mention Raffi to me...I'll make you watch Barney for seven hours without a break. Yes, you will break in the first five minutes...I know it (muwahahahaaaaaaaahahahahaaa).

Well, I better go before I scare everyone to death. I really need to get into JHU...for the sake of my family, not mine.

(=^_^=)

2002-11-06T00:43:00.000-05:00

Today was cold. It was so cold my heart stopped and almost shattered into a million pieces on the ground. It was one of those days where I wanted so badly for the day to end that I couldn't stay awake. I fell asleep and woke at around seven pm.

Dinner tasted awful...not that Dad did a bad job or anything like that. Its just the mood of it all. The silence except for the sound of my grandmother pulling some of the half masticated beef out of her mouth and mumbling something about gristle. She handed me a chewed piece--just dropped it in my hand--and told me to feed it to the dog. I made sure the dog licked my hand thouroughly, got up, and washed until my hand was red. Its not that its all that gross. There are worse things, but lately I feel like scrubbing until I bleed. I want the water to be hot and just to scrub until I can't feel anything anymore. My skin feels like its crawling.

If I could throw up more I would, but there's nothing to expell except stomach acid. I drank a few glasses of water and that came up too. I'm trying too hard to forget what's going on here.
I finally was able to cry today.
I've been trying to hard. I feel like giving up.

I need a hug. I need to sleep. I need to not wake up in the morning.

2002-11-01T09:55:00.000-05:00

The ride has been pretty bumpy and the dips in the road keep getting worse. Things change and the ice expands; the road cracks.

The vehicle has changed, too. It has gone from a crappy Toyota commuter car to a comfy Saab sedan...and all the way back to the bottom and a little further than that. This time the car's engine is a old frumpy mare. Yes, its a horse-drawn cart (you get a cookie!). We're lucky we're not walking.

All the while they keep telling you "Things get worse before they get better." I keep hoping things are getting better and that we skipped the worst all-together. So, right now, we're at a very long stop-light; Its rush hour, too.

2002-10-20T03:52:00.000-04:00

One would think that I'd be smart enough to realize that this whole situation can get worse. Living with your Grandmother usually isn't considered a terrible thing. I know I never thought of it that way. I never really knew my "Grandma" anyway. Now, its like getting to know a complete stranger. With my "Baba" it is different...she raised me. She taught me Japanese and how to hold my chopsticks correctly. I feel comfortable enough with my "Baba" to walk around her house in my underwear. I wish I could feel comfortable enough to sleep well in my "Grandma's" home. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells half the time. Does she hate me? Am I annoying to her? Is she upset? I never know, well, at least not until another relative lets me know what she said the last time she visited. It is driving me bonkers! Why can't she be strait forward with it? Is she afraid that I'll be angry? I'd rather she told me and be upset than have her telling relatives what I did to piss her off. How can I correct it if she doesn't tell me?

It sucks to be in the dark all the time.

Well, anyway...I'm going to go visit my "Baba" today. Sometime in the afternoon since she's going shopping with her friend in the morning. Speaking of morning...I should get some sleep. Damn, its three-something in the morning!

Oh-Ya-tsu-mi!
--MUGU--

2002-10-13T13:15:00.000-04:00

I have moved since my last post. The day I moved the sniper shootings started. Eight people are dead and everyone is scared. Its too strange when you feel like you have to wear a kevlar helmet to the gas-station. My Grandmother won't go shopping at all. She's ordering her groceries online and waiting for the delivery guy these days. I wish that they'd catch this coward soon. Where's the whole "rath of God" thing when you need it?

I finished setting up the network at home and now we have a lovely little network between a Mac and a PC. I'm on the ancient Mac right now. We bought the poor thing when the G4 processor first came out. Now, they have these amazing Macs that make my Dad drool whenever we go to CompUSA. It seems like it'd be a good idea these days to have at least one Mac. I mean, well, my Grandma can set up her own internet without me in the room. How cool is that? She never even tried to touch our PC. Macs are terribly idiot-friendly...lol. I love my PC though...

Well, I have to go, but since I have the net up and going I'll be writing and posting art much more often.

--MUGU--
(to read more about the sinper shootings go to: www.washingtonpost.com/

2002-08-01T15:22:00.000-04:00

What Egyptian Deity are you? go to:the quiz!

2002-08-01T15:09:00.000-04:00

My sphere is Guardian (Person of great Love and Altruism), and my class is Arms Master (Pragmatic and Stout).

I am a Guard.

You are a true, versatile guard. You have a defensive nature, that is, you are good at instilling a sense of security in the places around you. A strong presence weakens any possible threats around you, and a swift, practical approach to the problems that crop up puts them down before they can get out of hand.

What kind of Warrior are you?

Yeh, I'm still bored out of my mind, but I have so much to do. I need to finish my CGI work for class and one commission. The commission I have can wait for a couple weeks, but I still need to get him to approve my sketches. He wants a WW2 scene, but instead of Americans against Nazis he wants Bananas against Monkies. The monkies should be in Nazi-esque uniforms and the americans with jump helmets and guns...riding tanks. Why bananas? Dunno. I'll post it when I'm done with it.

Mugu (=*_*=)

2002-07-24T11:46:00.000-04:00

have this sinking feeling again. I spent the entire day yesterday cleaning the house. I always end up cleaning alone. It used to bother me so much that'd I'd get violent. Now, I clean and I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. I come home and it looks like no one has cleaned in years. Mom is sick, but even when she is well that's the way things go. Baba and Fuji came over and made us dinner since Mom cannot ( I can't cook anything except kimchee soup). They said I did a good job...and I have to admit, the house never looked, smelt, or felt better.
Now, you wouldn't be able to tell. Travis and Logan (and even MOM) made short work of my clean house! Okay, so its not mine, but I do take care of it. Why can't the boys get off their butts and help for a change?
This routine is getting so old. I have class and all they can do is make a mess! I hate this stupid male-favoritism in this house. All they do is cater to them and oo and aww when they burp and fart. Its compounded as well. Asian and American culture are all against me in this house. Boys do shit, but they get all the fucking credit. I give up.

AAAARRRGH!,

Mugu (x.X)

2002-06-19T21:20:00.000-04:00

I should be writing an essay and drawing my self portrait in my sketchbook, but I'm not; I am writing in my blogger instead. It sounds so stupid, but I acctually have to write this essay for my figure drawing class! They require it so that one ca get it as a humanities credit, but seriously, an essay for ART?! Its supposed to be on "The Drawing Process" again! Its only 250 words compared to the last one (a couple of typed pages). Okay, so I should just type it and get it over with, but come on! Its the whole principle of the thing...an essay, for ART!

Anyway, I'm IMing while I write this...how silly. Okay, its not silly, its just stupid...like me...haha (=^_^=) I am so bored! How bad does this whole entry make me sound? I am thinking REALLY bad. Fragmented sentences, bad grammar in general, and whining about a short STUPID essay (yeh, I sound so-->"interregent" as my Baba would say). Speaking of Baba, I have to call the poor woman! I completely forgot to call my own grandmother! I better do that right now! She'll smack me upside the head if I don't call at least once this week. Damn.

Well, I better go before I completely blow off my essay and drawing.

Love,

Mugu (x.0)

2002-06-17T23:56:00.000-04:00

Today was praticularly tiring. I have no clue as to why it was so long and drawn out, but I am feeling the aches and pains. It probably doesn't help that I busted my knee again which is aggravating my back. The ache won't even ebb away with the ibuprofen I guzzled down today. It just sort of floats and hovers over me dragging me down. Its nothing like my migraines, but I swear there are moments when I wish to myself that it was just a migraine.

Well, I feel a little better since I signed up for some fall classes. Its my first full year of "real" college...not just taking a few courses here and there until I turned eighteen. I am eighteen now, and it feels so much better, but in some ways worse...I'm not going to go into that.

I have to go, but I'll write tomorrow when I feel less like shit.

Bleh,
MUGU (=.+)

2002-06-16T12:52:00.000-04:00

Its Father's Day...another one without Dad. Not like its unnatural to us all that he's not here. Not just because he's been gone for two years in Kosovo, but because when he was here he was always working on Father's Day anyway. I don't think there was a single holiday that he didn't have to go to work. Christmas was the worst...he would stay for a few moments and watch us open a couple presents and then he'd have to go. We'd always dread the police uniform and the sound of the velcro on his bullet-proof-vest. Its funny, I don't remember spending much time with anyone in my family. Mom was always tending to my brother and then that one year when she got cancer...I was raised by my grandmother and Aunt Fuji. No wonder I am so messed up.

* * *

Anyway, Mom and the boys are sitting in the living room watching some stupid Arnold Schwartzeneger movie and laughing like hyenas. I can't stand to watch it... It makes me wonder if we are related or not. I know Humor doesn't determine that my genetic make-up is completely different from theirs...wishful thinking on my part. I just would like to think that they found me floating in some river in a orange crate. It would explain so much.

Gawd, I have to go. I need to finish those Master Drawing copies. bleh.

Blah,

Mugu

2002-06-14T00:46:00.000-04:00

Well, today I was a very bad Mugu; I skipped class. I was very bad during the week and instead of working on two major projects I procrastinated. Bad, bad Mugu... So, I stayed home--much to my Mother's shagrin--and slept until three in the afternoon. Its half past midnight now and I'm too buzzed to sleep, but too sleepy to work. So, I am, again, procrastinating. My unfinished master drawing replicas are sitting on the dining room table staring up at me as if to say " At this rate, community college is looking too good for you! Don't you want to transfer to Johns Hopkins? You lazy GIT!" I stick my toungue out at the inanimate objects...stupid personification!

Guess what?! My most favorite monkey-girl is coming over to visit! My favorite and most special cousin Nannon! I'm Shannon, she's Rhiannon...lol. We call each other Nannon one and Nannon two. She's seven years old, smart, funny, and too damned strong for her own good. She can beat the crud out of you as soon as look at you! The biggest reason that I love her to peices can be summed up in a AIM conversation we had--she's pretty witty for a seven-year-old! I "IM" her saying " So, what happened to you? You used to be so cute!" and she adeptly replies in the largest font known to man in all caps, " THE SAME THING THAT HAPPENED TO YOOOOOOOU!" Needless to say, she had me rolling on the floor laughing and in shock from her wry response!

Well, I better go bed now and try to get some sleep. She'll be running me through my paces tomorrow. Swimming, painting, playing video-games, and maybe even a quick game of one-on-one soccer in the back yard...(she usually wins...she's a awsome goalie!). Nite All!

Love,

Mugu

2002-05-22T21:48:00.000-04:00

It would be the ending of a very long and tiring day if things would go smoothly for once!

Dad might be able to stay if he gets this editing job. Its either the job, or back to Kosovo for Dad. I don't know what to feel right now. My stomach is in knots and my knees are almost like Jell-O. It would be wonderful to have him back in our lives again. He has been gone for two long years with sparse visits in between and I think its about time he came home for good. My brothers need a father to keep them in line and I need one to see me go off to college. All of this makes me scared of what could happen if he doesn't stay. God, I hope he can.

Got to go for now, but I will "blog" again later.

--Mugu--

2002-05-21T16:11:00.000-04:00

Well, I found this doodle I did a couple of years ago and I was pretty tickled since its now my very own web-comic! I wonder what I was thinking when I doodled this...haha

Mugu's Place

Mugu's Place

2002-05-21T14:53:00.000-04:00

Blogging! Wee Ooooh Weeeee OOOOH!